Hey Dads, have you ever yelled at your kids? After trying to tell your kids to not do or do a certain thing for the infinite time and still seeing no result, any sane dad can see the various keeping calm techniques evaporating. The result is : Yelling
But how do you feel after you have yelled at your kid? A recent study points to a deeper level of harm that fathers do to themselves as they yell. A sudden surge of anger send adrenaline shooting through your blood and resulting into extreme alertness, sensitivity and muscle tension. And what happens when we have sudden adrenaline rush? We feel a deeper urge to scream, shout, hit which are all the harm causing reactions and lead to further more serious issue of heightened blood pressure and heart palpitations.
On the other end of the spectrum the results and reactions are also unpleasant. A research points out that kids who are being yelled at get frightened which yield into more problematic behavior and become susceptible to more yelling. They can either fight back or freeze as a “Fight” or “Flight” reaction. Often fathers who are often more of a disciplinarian in domestic set ups are unaware off this cycle and the cause and effect of the yelling that they indulge into. Another factor to consider is that no body enjoys being yelled at. As an adult you would not. So why are kids being thought of as different. And their reaction are also very similar to adults. They will either shout back or shut down and completely stop listening to you.
It is often noted that kids starts yelling back as they receive a consistent barrage of yells and shouts. As this increasingly becomes a norm and an expectation of something that every interaction leads to, kids tend to form a mechanism to retaliate and act unaffected. There are also instances where kids retort back saying ” You scream at me for no reason any way, so why should I listen”. These are all telltale signs that as a father or a parent you need to check you behavior first before you figure out how to deal with you kids.
It can be agreed that yelling can come from the best of the intentions. Fathers or Parents want to be good parents and its their inability to communicate the message to their kids that result into their yelling which eventually is harmful for kids. Yelling it is believed lessens the connections between a parent and the children. It furthers damages a child’s self-esteem, their sense of self-worth. The child will inadvertently think that this is what he deserves and not that the father or mother are frustrated. This pattern of yelling consistently at kids however is never helpful in terms of discipline as it becomes white noise and children assume that as they default communication methodology.
We as fathers make a lot of mistakes. Lord knows, how bad we are at being fathers when we start and how we rise up to the occasion and do what ever it takes and learn what ever is need to learn, to make this fatherhood thing work. In the similar spirit of things, as fathers we owe it to ourself and our ext generation to try and make your home a calm and relaxing place where respect and love drives conversation of any order and of any scale. The road of fatherhood is paved with mistakes but its all worth it.