One of the popular myths in marriage is the belief that “they are made in heaven” or ” they are meant to be” and hence it will be easy and all fairytaleish. We can immediately relate to some romantic blockbuster where the couple meet and then ride to glory in the sunset to enjoy everlasting bliss.
The truth is, it gets hard as the marriage progresses. On the flip side, it uncovers various aspects of your spouse and the relationship you share, that opens up so much room for both of you to grow and accomplish things which were unimagined earlier.
As a couple is unified by marriage, there is no longer a his or her stuff that you need to worry about in isolation. If there is an issue which effects the wife and which will inadvertently start effecting the house and family, it needs to be taken up as a team. There will be cases where one spouse has to deal with more, but as an equal partnership, you find ways to lighten that up. These are especially the times when one spouse needs to be more thoughtful on their actions and inactions. As one partner feels fatigued in their struggles, extra sensitivity and patience are to be extended and can save the day for you.
We spoke to certain married couples about their thoughts and one such couple Siddhi and Akshay (Insta: @thathusbandstuff), who have been married for little less then two years state their thoughts perfectly:
My wife and everything related to her is a priority for me when it concerns other individuals, especially around my folks. She has left the comfort zone of her family and friends and now looks up to me to stand up for her or defend her when things go wrong or are misinterpreted. Not that she can’t defend herself, but her actions might lead to other devastating consequences and that she is aware of. So, she quietly listens and lets it go without even mentioning it to me.
Often marriages require making changes to certain aspects of life and the partnership. As a spouse make those changes if you know those actions will help him/her in any measure. Often couples or spouses get stuck on figuring out ways to help their partner, but what they completely ignore is to look inwards and see how their actions will help the situation. Such actions require the least effort as it involves just self convincing and does dual benefit.
In his latest book Cherish , Gary Thomas aptly states that what marriage looks like when Spouses cherish each other:
“Famed Russian-born ballet choreographer George Balanchine once said, ‘Ballet is woman.’ The best male dancers recognize that their role is all about showcasing the female dancer’s beauty . . . People generally go to the ballet to see the beautiful form, grace, balance, coordination, and strength of the female lead, but all of those qualities are even better showcased when the ballerina has a male dancer who can set her up, catch her, and support her.
As a former male dancer and later choreographer, Balanchine said his job was to ‘make the beautiful more beautiful.’“
Isn’t this what marriage is? When you understand your spouse, value them and empathize with them and help them look more beautiful for not only the world to see, but also for each other.
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