I remember being scared of the thought of becoming a father. Loss of freedom, travel, individualism,me time, we 2 time etc etc. And the onset of so much work to do, always being on the toes, sleepless nights, absence from work and what not. Tell you what, all my fears have come true. parenthood is the toughest thing which can happen to a person. It will send you in a drive of round the clock work which none could forewarn you enough about. It is also the most amazing thing which can happen to a person. It will send you on a drive of gratitude, no one could explain ever to you.
The first thing that i feel grateful about being a father is the realization that we are capable of bringing life on earth. We know this almost as general knowledge. But to actual experience, this is what empowers you and humbles you at the same time.
It was 8:30 AM on the February of 2017. I was sitting in the waiting area of Hiranandani Hospital maternity ward – operation theatre. I had a terrible accident the previous night which made my left hand almost nonfunctional. More about that in another post. Well, so I was waiting, with eyes riveted on the clock and heart filled with hundred concerns ( some of them arising from the consent forms I signed half an hour back for the C Sec)
My left hand was swollen and oozing with fluids; just the sight of it would cause pain to the onlooker. But i felt no pain. I was overtaken by the thousand emotions. Anticipation to see our first born. Concern if Himani is okay and will be okay after the C Sec. Concern that the baby will be fine. Happiness that the D Day has come , at last. Doubt, how will i hold the baby, with one hand. Anxious, that i should not miss when they call my name for coming in. Afraid, of anything untoward happening.
And then , in a strange moment, i turned back and looked at all the people sitting in the waiting area. In the time which was so important personally, i don’t know why i suddenly felt a strong sense of goodness for others; everyone in that waiting area. I saw women crying and blessed their pain be taken away. An old man was limping and i felt a sudden wish to make him alright. For that one moment, i became the almighty. I wanted everyone to heal and be happy. I felt everyone else s pain, just not my own.
I have tried to reason it so many times in my head. Without much success. And there it is. There are things which are beyond our comprehension. Parenthood is way at the top on that list. It has the power of making you almighty…even if it is just for a while.
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