Remember the good old college days, when you could barely keep your hands off each other. There was spark and chemistry was up to the brim on both sides.
There was no dearth of desire on both ends and the only thing in shortage was the opportunities to be together.
Fast forward, you get married and become a parent and gradually your sex life changes. Suddenly, your
“Wife doesn’t want sex”
You try your best to look good and even hit gym every few days a week. You try and uplift your dressing style and also plan date nights with your wife. All of this to no avail. Eventually you are convinced that your wife wont have sex and does not want you sexually.
Here are 15 reasons that will help you understand, why you wife never wants to have sex with you:
No purpose in life
Some men lose their purpose in life as they get bogged down with work, family life and the unprecedented responsibilities that come with starting a family.
In other words, they change to a person who looks defeated and has lost sight of what he wanted once.
This leads to change in feelings from your wife’s perspective as you stopped being the man you once were. To maintain the attraction of your wife, you have to be a man that she looks up to and respects, not a man that she secretly feels ashamed to be married to.
In some marriages, there is extreme power shifts once family life takes on. In some cased the all the power and control goes to the wife. In some cases, the husband becomes the power center and tries to dominate his wife and control what she does.
In either extreme case, it breeds undesirability from the opposite end.
The correct balance which will keep you attractive for your wife is to be a strong, leading man who takes charge, but who also inspires and encourages her to take charge of things that she enjoys.
You need to love her, respect her and cherish her, but also expect that she respects you in return.
Women avoid unpleasant conversation and duck away rather then confront and talk about it. SO if you find yourself complaining that “My wife does not want me sexually”, may be you can do a self-hygiene check.
So brush your teeth, put on a decent cologne after shower and dress up sometime. All these small acts would make you desirable for your wife.
Women get very self conscious about how they look which doubles up after having kids when their body changes significantly. So, part of the reason your wife doesn t want sex could be her inferiority complex abut her body or she feels about it.
A woman’s libido is tied up in feeling like she is desired.
And if she feels that she is not a prize in her husband eyes, it all goes downhill after that. Instead talk to her about her self image and reassure her about herself.
You will start seeing a gradual change in her attitude as she beings to show interest in you.
Hormone imbalance strongly effects womens libido and any significant variation in the these chemicals can make your wife disinterested in sex.
Research points to the role of estradiol and progesterone that affect sexual desire and behavior.
There are various lifestyle changes in diet and exercise that can usher the hormones in the right direction.
If however you feel, that its not helping convince and support her to see a doctor for a professional opinion on treatments available.
Sex is overhyped
For many women, sex is overhyped especially when they are not able to climax. This is contrary to men , who almost always climax and aim for a release at the earliest.
Such pattern, can only make her feel that sex is just hyped and there is no real ecstasy involved.
Instead try and involve sessions where you only focus on her and pleasuring her. What also often works is that you only climax after your wife has.
This way she will be more connected with you as you pay special attention to her body and not think about your needs only.
Another reason your wife doesn t want sex is plain exhaustion from different roles and tasks she has been doing around household and work.
Certain lifestyle changes which put some discipline around bed time and screen time can help here.
Take as much of the responsibility for some of the housework and childcare as you reasonably can. The aim is to have her reserve enough energy to have sex and sleep better.
May be your wife is the worrying kind so she is almost never interested in having sex with you. Women are often burdened by frivolous worries or something that does not need attention or thought all the time.
This can be something to do with kids or an impending renovation.
Speak with your wife and ask her if she needs help with something. Comfort her and assure her that you are in it with her.
If she is stressed or depressed, rub her shoulders without her having to ask you to do it. Give her a foot or full body massage.
Her focus is on motherhood
Some women put lot of pressure on themselves in trying to be the perfect mother. So naturally all her energy and attention goes into performing set parenting tasks revolving around kids.
In all this hussle and trying to be the perfect mother, she loses herself as a wife.
Sit with her and express how you feel. Support her equally in parenting and being a good parent. Your biggest concern should be to form more intimacy which is a building block for more intimacy.
Women love men who feel secure about them. Be it her social circle which may include other male members or about her work life, a women will always desire strong secure husband, one that trusts them.
So if you find yourself getting insecure, its time you speak up with her and explain your stance. You can also mention the lack of physical connection for this insecurity.
Research points out to a steady decline in women’s libido which can be the reason to her not wanting to have sex with you. On the contrary, men have stronger sexual desire and does not decrease so drastically.
This natural put you two on different levels as far as physical intimacy is concerned.
Be patient with her as you express your self to her. Tel her what you feel about the urges you have and make her feel wanted. Gradually you will notice the difference in her.
Co-sleeping with kids
Co-sleeping can silently out a halt on your physical intimacy. If you child is prone to nightmares or other conditions, then it’s a different story.
However, when it becomes a habit, it can steadily put a halt on physical intimacy.
Hypertensive women are 1.67 times more likely to have sexual dysfunction compared to normotensives.
Based a study it has been found the presence of sexual dysfunction in 42.1% of hypertensive women and in 19.4% of normotensive women.
Adequate control of hypertension with medication not affecting sexual function can have a great impact on the quality of life of hypertensive patients.
There can be other cases of postpartum depression taking its toll on her libido. Its worth to consult an expert to nail down the cause.
But, what does the stats say about declining sex?
Experts say that there is a general decline in sexual activities across American households. There are several factors driving this:
- Age : The 60-and-older demographic climbed from 18 percent of the population in 1996 to 26 percent in 2018,
- The proportion of people between 18 to 29 reporting no sex in the past year more than doubled between 2008 and 2018, to 23 percent.
- The portion of people reporting no sex has always hovered around 50 percent, and because that age group is growing relative to everyone else, it has the net effect of reducing the overall population’s likelihood of having sex.
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